Hidden Paths

Chapter 1 -- Chapter 2 -- Chapter 3 -- Chapter 4

Chapter 1

She climbed onto a large mallorn tree, hidden from every eye that wasn't elven. One of the few she-elves accepted in Galadhrim guard, Gilraen loved her work. It was early morning in Lothlorien, she had just begun her patrolling of the western borders when she heard a distant noise. They are coming home . Two hours later, she first saw them. They weren't the great elven army that left Lothlorien almost a month ago. Only few elves came back, and she could feel their sadness.Her heart skipped a beat when she first saw that her March Warden Haldir wasn't guiding them. Gilraen could see only his brothers Orophin and Rumil. But he didn't have the same insolent face.

Rumil had changed.

His eyes were full of sorrow and something that she didn't recognize -- it could be longing. When they approached her mallorn tree, she climbed down and stood proudly in front of him. “Mae Govannen, Rumil” she smiled worriedly at him. “Where's your brother Haldir?”

At the mention of his beloved brother a pained expression flashed across Rumil's features, just for a split second, but he didn't avert his eyes. "He's dead." he heard himself reply, his voice almost as cold and stony as his face. He simply couldn't accept it; it was all wrong. Elves weren't supposed to die. Haldir wasn't supposed to die. But then he did, and he was never coming back home to greet his Golden Woods.

“What?” asked Gilraen, her expression pained. “It's not possible, he can't die, he's strong!” she managed to say, until she felt Orophin strong arms envelope her, and she started to cry. Even though a few months ago she had never dreamed to do something like this, she left Orophin to go to Rumil, enveloping him in a sweet embrace, sobbing on his shoulder. “I'm sorry…I'm truly sorry…” she murmured, caressing his back in a soothing way.

Caught off guard by such unusual display of affection, Rumil wavered a little before returning the embrace, his eyes wide and his heart pounding madly in his chest. When he finally let go and embraced her tight, all his pent-up emotions overwhelmed him. He laid his head on her shoulder, hot tears stinging his eyes, sobbing quietly in her arms. Orophin tried to hide his emotion, and decided to guide his archers to the Lady Galadriel. He was March Warden now, and he hated this role, feeling like a thief that had stolen it from his own brother. Gilraen knew that Rumil was the most sensitive, even if he tried to hide it, and that the loss of Haldir affected him too much. “Come with me” she whispered. “You marched all the way from Helm's Deep, you must be tired and hungry. I'll prepare a hot bath for you and then I'll go to find something to eat.”

Rumil merely nodded, then followed her without a word, until a few minutes later they reached his flet. He felt empty, and almost torn apart. Even the Golden Woods seemed gloomy and bleak to him at the thought that he would never see another sunrise with Haldir, they would never bathe together in the river again, splashing each other and laughing with glee, like they used to do when trouble and sorrow seemed to be so far away from them. When the grief of war seemed to be so far away.

Gil filled the tub with hot water with a simple spell and a touch of her hand, and told him that his bath was ready. Then she went into the kitchens and took some hot bread, biscuits, fresh fruit, milk and butter, and took everything into his flet. She sighed and sat down on a chair, waiting for him to come back. Memories came back to her, and she fought them, hoping to not start to cry again. Those three brothers, so different and so loving. Orophin was the chef, he liked to cook and to dance, even if he was maybe too suspicious with strangers, and took his job too seriously. Haldir…the honoured March Warden, captain of the Galadhrim. He was a master with his bow, strong and tall, with his eyes cold as ice, severe and with a little sense of humour.

And then there was Rumil, of course. He was a playful elf, he loved to sing and to dance, and captured her heart a long time ago, just with his laughter. She never told him how much she desired to be into his arms, to be kissed and loved with all his heart. Rumil had plenty of she-elves that loved him, and he had many, many lovers. If only he knew her feelings, it was sure that he could have broke her heart. She didn't want one night of passion. She wanted him for eternity. When she heard a little noise from the bathroom, she stood to watch him. That wasn't the same Rumil. His eyes were full of sorrow, and it was if all of his joy was lost. She feared for him. Elves were very sensitive and could die for grief if the people they loved would die.

“How do you feel?” she asked, her eyes never leaving his.

Again Rumil wavered, sighing deeply, his gaze locked with Gilraen's. He slowly crossed his arms across his chest, as if trying to shelter himself from the merciless pain of those memories. Those memories, still too vivid and too painfully clear. Memories of his beloved brother dying alone in a battlefield, memories of the bewildered look struck in his eyes as he was collapsing amidst the dead bodies of Men, Uruk-hai and Elves. "I do not know" he finally muttered, his voice low and hushed. "I feel just… just empty, and I miss him. Terribly."

“ I miss him, too” she whispered, sighing deeply. A knock at the door interrupted them.

“I'm sorry, but the Lady would like to speak with you,” the maiden told to Rumil. “She's waiting on her talan.”

“See you,” smiled Gilraen to the tall, blond elf in front of her. “I'm in my talan if you wish to see me.” Gilraen wandered into the forest, thinking of Haldir, when suddenly she decided to go there, into his talan. It was as if he was still there. The bed was untouched, everything was in order. On the left wall there were some knives, two galadhrim bows and some arrows. Why? She asked to herself. Why did the Valar give you this horrible death? I wish you could come back to us…

Rumil bowed before the Lord and the Lady and then he stood, proud and grave despite his inner turmoil. "That of Haldir is a severe loss for all of the Galadhrim," began Galadriel, spoking softly and unhurriedly as usual. "But I know that your grief goes deeper than anyone else's. 'Tis why I worry for you, Rumil. We all worry for you."

“You have to be strong,” Celeborn told, his tone severe as usually. “We believe in you. Have faith, Rumil. All you need is accept your loss and that you accept some help. I know that there's someone that loves you deeply. She can heal you. She's the only way you can escape a death for grief.”

"I do not know who she is."

"I believe you do," said the Lady, "Deep in your heart, you know. Sooner or later your fate will force you to face long denied feelings, Rumil, and to deal with them. You can't escape this."

That brief meeting upset him greatly, and he was still pondering those cryptic words when, head bowed on his way back home, he almost collided with Gilraen. "I… I'm sorry" he managed to say, backing away a little. "Did I hurt you?"

“No, I'm fine, don't worry” she smiled at him, looking intensely in his eyes. They stared at each other for a while. “I think you have other things to do than stare at me” she giggled, turning away, and starting to walk the way back to her talan.

"May I come along?" he asked hurriedly, slightly surprised by his own boldness. "It's just that… I don't want to be alone right now. I'd ask Orophin whether he'd fancy a little company, but I…I don't know where he is."

Surprised by his words, Gilraen nodded quietly, and took hold of his arm. They walked together for what seemed an eternity, only talking and smiling at each other. As if it was meant to be, they arrived to a little hill from where they could see all Caras Galadhron. “If I knew that I would have taken something to eat, so we could stay there until the evening.”

Rumil sat down, gazing at the landscape, then turned again to look at her. "I'm not hungry" he stated, smiling a little, "Are you?"

“No, I'm not,” she smiled in return, sitting down. “I was a little marvelled that you wasn't busy with one of your she-elves friends…” she murmured, sadly. She remembered all the night spent crying in her bed, while he was elsewhere with one of his many lovers. The day she met him kissing another she-elf, smiling at each other, he broke her heart. But she refused to let him see. He wouldn't understand at all. That was Rumil, the warden that had stolen many hearts among the female population of Lothlorien.

When those words reached his ears Rumil frowned and quickly averted his gaze, attempting to hide the disappointment behind a stern appearance. "I do not wish for their company" he replied curtly, "I just don't care anymore."

“You look different” she told him. “But if you will accept my company I could help you. I know what it is like to lose someone as dear as a brother."

"I know you do."

They fell silent for a few, long minutes, without daring to look at each other, and Rumil sighed deeply when his thoughts inevitably switched to happier days. He reminded their first meeting, the blooming of a beautiful friendship, the ceaseless jests and all the precious, carefree moments they shared throughout the years. He recalled light-hearted laughter under a clear sky. And he also thought about how Haldir had decided to take care of Gilraen since her brother's death. Indeed she knew all too well the way he was feeling about it. She couldn't help but remember her beloved brother. Ellin was a galadhrim warrior, as brave as Haldir. He was his best friend and they always fought together to protect the Lorien borders. Gilraen could remember all the days Ellin spent teaching her how to use a galadhrim bow, and the long knives he had given her. He had fallen in a battle, and he didn't come back home. She felt lonely and angry at the beginning. Ellin had abandoned her. But then Haldir and his brothers helped her, they trained her to let her enter the galadhrim guards, and they treated her as a sister. When a lonely tear travelled on her cheek, she brushed it away. It was not time to cry. She had to think about Rumil.

The young Elf was staring at her, with a mixture of affection and concern in the depths of his blue eyes. "Why do you cry, little one?" he asked softly, leaning slightly towards her. He was just a few years older than Gilraen, but he was used to see her as a little sister, the sister he'd never had, so it became natural to him to use that endearment when referring to her. And he couldn't help but smiling nervously when he suddenly realized that in that right moment what he was feeling towards her was not brotherly love. Not at all.

“Nothing. I was just thinking about Ellin”. She put her arm around his shoulder and drew him close. Her throat felt squeezed, and she could only close her eyes and start to cry, releasing all the emotion that she buried in her heart. She missed Ellin, and Haldir was gone. Who would take care of her now?

"I am here," whispered Rumil, drawing her closer. He began to stroke her silky hair with long, soothing caresses, and forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat when he felt her sob and shudder against his chest. "You are not alone, and I swear to the Valar that I will never leave you. We must take care of each other now." Time passed by, but they seem to be so peaceful together that they came back to Gilraen's talan only in the evening.

“It has been beautiful to spend some time with you,” she smiled at him. “I hope you will stay a little longer in the city, so we could share other moments like these,” she wondered aloud, a little shyly.

"Aye, I will," Rumil smiled back, and lovingly kissed her forehead goodbye before reaching to open the door. "Rest well, little one," he whispered with a small smile on his lips, then he turned and walked away, disappearing into the darkness of the Woods.

Yawning, she lit up some candles, and disrobed. Two hours later, she was still laying on the bed, restless. Too many things had happened, and she could still feel the touch of Rumil's lips on her forehead. The corner of her mouth curved a little while she was thinking that this was the first time that this elf seemed to notice her. He always acted as if she was too little, or if he was too much interested in fair she-elves to care about her. But today she had felt cherished, and protected in his arms, and he made her feel better.

It was maybe a few hours before dawn when Rumil woke from his nightmare, screaming at the top of his lungs. He was covered with sweat and panting hard, his blue eyes wide with horror. He ran a trembling hand through messy, damp hair, and somehow managed to sit on the bed, still clutching helplessly at the sheets.

Gilraen heard the scream, and awoke, suddenly realizing it was Rumil. She put on a pair of leggings and a tunic, and ran out of her talan, to move up on the stairs. Without knocking, she entered the door, and knelt down, near to his bed. "It was a nightmare…hush…I'm here for you,” she whispered, embracing him. He was trembling in her arms. After a brief moment, Orophin was in the room within a moment, dagger unsheathed and ready to kill anything that made Rumil scream that way.

Seeing that Gilraen was taking care of him, he sighed deeply, and left the flet. It wasn't easy to deal with Haldir's death, but for Rumil everything seemed to be more difficult, and he felt grateful for the help Gilraen was giving to his brother. He thought she was the only one able he healing his heart.

"It was…it was awful," Rumil managed to mutter, holding her tight. "I saw him…I saw him dying, and it was awful. I can't go on like this…I just can't." Tears were running down his cheeks, but he didn't care. He didn't care at all, he just wanted to get rid of all that sorrow somehow. It felt like it was ripping him apart.

To see him so upset, make her feel worse. She caressed his back and his hair, and dried the tears on his cheek. “I'm here for you. Let's try to sleep,” she whispered into his pointed ear, before to slip into his bed, without removing her clothing. Embracing him tightly, she lulled him to sleep, watching his face, feeling his heartbeat near her torso. “Rest well, a'melamin,” she whispered to the moon.

Despite his nightmare, Rumil fell into a peaceful sleep within minutes. When a few hours later he opened his eyes Gilraen was still asleep in his arms, and he couldn't help but smile while watching her closely and listening to her steady breathing. When she woke up, she was pleased to see Rumil watching her.

“Good morning” she whispered. “How do you feel?”

"Better. And I am sorry about last night…I've most likely woken half Lorien with my senseless screaming and thrashing about."

“Don't worry about that. It's normal that you have some nightmares… I can understand completely that it is difficult for you, and you know that it's not a problem for me to take care of you, after all you and your brothers have done for me,” she smiled tenderly at him, instinctively moving a lock of hair behind his ear, unintentionally grazing the delicate point. Rumil trembled slightly at the touch and then closed his eyes with a contented sigh, snuggling closer to her.

"I think I really need a cuddle."

“Do you?” she giggled, embracing him tightly, caressing his cheeks and his long, blond hair.

It was a dream come true. He was in her arms, he was enjoying to stay with her, and she couldn't believe it. From the first time they met, it was as if they knew each other from a long, long time, but he never paid attention to her, treating her as a child, as a sister and nothing more. And, how she had hoped for this to change! She changed flet, to demonstrate that she was able to live alone, she entered the Lorien guard, but nothing seemed to be changed.

Until now.

"I could get used to this, I'm warning you," he chuckled, smiling at her "Don't stop. Please." Smiling back, Gil gave him a light kiss on his forehead, and continued to lull him, inhaling deeply his fresh scent and feeling his warmth against her. Rumil stared at her for a while, relishing the sweetness of the moment and the reassuring closeness. And he was indeed taken aback upon realizing that maybe he had wanted it for a long time, without even noticing it. It felt just too right , too perfect and too natural, as if it was meant to be. "I think I owe you my apologies, Gil," he whispered, "I've always been quite rude towards you, and… I don't really know why. Maybe I was just too shallow and self-centered to notice how very special you are."

“No apologies needed, Rumil. I was rude, too, because I felt you were not interested in me, but in those fair she-elves that were always fancying you. I remember all the times Haldir got angry at you and Orophin, with your wagers on those maidens…” She sighed deeply, and smiled sadly at him.

“I have to go now. I'm patrolling the western borders,” she said, and just a moment after, she went to the door. “I'll come back this evening. See you then." While she was running into her talan to take her bow, arrows and daggers, she met Orophin.

“I've seen the two of you together,” he said. “And I want to thank you for what you are doing for him. He is strong and brave, but Haldir was dear to him, and his loss was a burden too heavy for my little brother.”

“You did the same when Ellin died,” Gilraen answered, as if that could explain everything.

“Yes, we did it. But you and Rumil have never been too close. In the last period it seem as if you did everything to stay away from him. He suffered a lot. He'll never admit it but he missed you. And now he need you to stay with him.” At those words, Gilraen just nodded, and then she walked away.

Rumil spent almost all day wandering into the woods, constantly pondering about recent events and about how Gil was taking care of him. He stopped just before sunset, when he reached the small, secluded hill where he used to go with Haldir every time a private talk was needed. Every time a little rest was needed. He sighed deeply and sat on the grass, looking at the orange-shaded sky.

Too many things took place, too many different and new emotions shook him in a too brief amount of time. He was awfully confused, to say the least. First, there was his beloved brother's death. He had spent his whole life trying to learn from him, envying his skills with a bow and his attitude towards life. Now he was gone. Forever. And he was lost. Then there was Gilraen, the 'little one', and yet he wasn't ready at all to face the truth, indeed. She was not the vain, young elf maiden he'd always assumed her to be. In fact she was a lot more of a woman than most of his many lovers. He was slowly becoming aware of this, and thus he was feeling helplessly drawn to her. Maybe even a little infatuated? He shook his head at the mere thought. She was like a little sister to him. Wasn't she?

Gilraen spent the whole day thinking about Rumil. She was on a flet, hidden on a tree, invisible to everyone, and all she could think about was that tall, blond elf. He was godlike in his perfection, his blue eyes clear like pools, that became dark when he was angry. She remembered that time when she went to the river, and feeling some noises she walked silently towards them, hidden among the bushes.

She had seen Haldir and Rumil in the river, their naked torso, they were splashing each other and laughing. The days when they were happy. To the thought of Rumil's body, of his white skin, of the rivulets of water that went down his back, Gil blushed violently. She didn't know what was happening, she had always succeeded on hiding her feelings toward Rumil, only Haldir knew of it, and he had jealously guarded her secret. That evening, while she was returning home, absorbed in her thoughts, she almost shouted in terror when he suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Oh, Valar," he chuckled, raising an eyebrow and shooting her an amused glance "Am I really that scary?"

“I didn't see you,” she muttered, slowly approaching. “What are you doing here?”

Rumil averted his eyes and shrugged, a small, shy smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "I was looking for you." he said simply, "Do you mind?"

“No. I'm happy to see you,” she smiled. When she noticed his shyness, she took hold of his hand and guided him toward her talan. Outside her door someone put some fresh fruit, some bread, honey, milk and biscuits. Taking everything inside, on the small table in the corner of the room, she gestured to him to enter. “Do you want something to eat?”

He closed the door and nodded as he sat at the small table, right in front of her, picking up an apple from the small basket. They both fell silent as they ate quietly, gazes locked, smiling at each other now and then. "Thank you, Gil," he said suddenly, setting his apple on the wooden table and reaching for her hand, a bright smile lighting his fair features. She looked at their entwined hands with a puzzled expression.

“Why are you thanking me? I did nothing…” she asked, instinctively caressing his hand with her thumb.

"You are taking care of me," replied Rumil, lightly squeezing her hand as he spoke, his voice thick with emotion. "I owe you a great deal."

“You owe me nothing, Rumil. I know you're a brave warrior, and that you can be hard as stone when the time requires that. And I don't like to see you so sad." After taking a sip of milk, she smiled at him, and an idea crossed her mind. “What if tomorrow we go to the practice field? Orophin could join us, if you desire so.”

"Sounds good," he smiled back, nodding. "I'll ask him later. We could take some food with us and spend the whole day out, if you like the idea."

“Yes, of course,” she nodded. The mere idea of going back to the practice field had illuminated Rumil's eyes. She knew the way he loved his bow. It was a present from Lady Galadriel and he was proud of it. He had worked hard to gain it and he never let others touch it, not even his brothers. Other elves gossiped on an inscription that was on his bow, but no one had never seen it. “You know something? I really like you when you smile, you should do it more often.”

"And I like it when you do it," said Rumil, getting on his feet then slowly approaching her, "So I guess that the both of us should smile more often. Don't you think?" With that he forced her to stand and started to tickle her mercilessly, all the while dragging her towards the bed with a huge amused grin on his face.

“Rumil! Let me go!” she managed to say, but he was tickling her, and that was her weakness, he knew her very well. She couldn't think clearly, but she did it when they both fell onto her bed.

Blushing lightly, she smiled shyly and adverted his gaze. “We shouldn't be here” she whispered.

"But we are," he replied softly, turning her face towards him, "Are you afraid?"

“N-no, but we can't do it,” she replied, trying stand up from the bed, to avoid the contact with his body.

"It won't happen," said Rumil, trying to reassure her. "I just want to hold you tight, nothing more."

I will not cry . “I need to walk,” she said, standing up, barely looking at him. I will not cry. “I don't know what are you planning to do, and I'm not certain I would like to know, at all. I just don't want to be another number in your long list of lovers, Rumil. I care deeply for you. You can't imagine how I feel about you. But I don't want you to break my hearth. Please, don't play those games with me.” I will not cry. She walked outside, leaving a stunned Rumil into her talan, and went down onto the soft grass, walking outside the city. There were so many flowers in her favourite spot. Their fragrance filled the air and their strong colours contrasted with the green grass. The hidden little talan where she usually went when she didn't want to be found, hasn't got a stair, so she had to climb the large mallorn tree and then entered the room. She tried to recollect her thinking, her feelings, and the turmoil of emotions that overwhelmed her, but she wasn't able to do it. The only thing she was able to do was cry, and she cried, trembling helplessly against the wall.