Bring me to life

Chapter 23

   
 Later that evening, Boromir was attending to feed the little Finduilas when Faramir entered the nursery. Amrod was already asleep, belly full and a content espression on the little face, his thumb stuck into his mouth as usual. The young man couldn't help but smile at the sight, and neared the cradle to look at the baby for some moments before turning his attentions to his brother. The most dauntless and valiant warrior of the whole kingdom engaged with gruel and diapers was actually quite a sight, and he had seemingly taken very seriously his duty to take care of the offspring while Kreshen was recovering.

"How does it feel?" Faramir asked curiously with a smile, kneeling to look closely at the little Finduilas, and then raising his eyes to meet Boromir's.

"Oh, I don't know.. kind of.. natural, I think. And perhaps also a little awkward. I'm always afraid I’ll hurt them someway."

"You're faring very good, it seems to me."

"I hope so" Boromir smiled back, and then raised an eyebrow in a quite eloquent way, nodding towards the table. "Since I'm here busy and Kreshen's dinner is waiting to be delivered, why don't you go and bring her the tray? I don't want the food to get cold."

Faramir sighed as he stood, but said nothing. After another look at his busy brother he was already out on the corridor with the tray, walking towards Kreshen's room.

Said girl was just laying motionless on the bed, fixing the ceiling, while images of Faramir, Boromir and their children filled her mind. Sighing deeply now and then, she promised to herself that she would take care of Amrod and Finduilas, and of course of her husband, even if Faramir turned his back to her.

She was well aware that she couldn’t act as a teenager would, yearning for his love. It was just something she didn’t deserve, and Kreshen was well aware of that.

When the door opened, her breath was caught in her throat at the sight, but she managed to be as normal and indifferent as she could, unintentionally clenching her teeth.

While he was walking to the bed Faramir hinted a nervous smile, and then placed the tray on the nightstand next to her. "Boromir is busy with the babies, so he asked me to bring here your dinner" he explained, without sitting down. "How do you feel?"

"I’ll survive" she just answered, eyeing the tray.

"But please, take this tray away. I’m not hungry and the mere smell of food disgusts me…"

"Boromir won't be pleased if I take the full tray away, Kreshen, you should know that." he said, crossing his arms across the chest and staring eloquently at her.

"At least try."

"I’ll deal with him" she shrugged, smiling faintly. "You can go away if you want. But I’ll not eat…"

"As you wish then." Faramir replied, sighing deeply and taking the tray from the nightstand. "I'm not to be held responsible if he complains, be it clear.. try to sleep, if you just don't want to eat. You need to recover your strength quickly."

"My strength it’s not your concern" she replied quietly, knowing all too well that he had made his decision. He was walking away, leaving her life, and he wouldn’t have changed idea.

"For I know what you’re doing Faramir. So please. Don’t be so lengthy… You can’t hide what you’ve in your heart. I can read your eyes as if they were an open book. Stop worrying about me. Think about your life and happiness. I’ve a family to think of, even if…", she sighed, averting her gaze. "Oh, well. It’s not important. Good night".

"What if my father would discover us?" Faramir asked then, still holding the tray and looking at her. "What if? I would say that Boromir knew nothing about the matter of course, and father would have me banished.. or worse, for the good. But that's not what worries me, I am worried about you, for he would punish you as well. Have you ever thought about that?"

He was struggling not to avert his gaze and just run away, with great effort. Who was he trying to fool? Despite his father, despite all the troubles, there was nothing he wished more than stay at Kreshen's side for the rest of his life. And he knew, he could see it clearly int her eyes, she was feeling the same way towards him. But by then things had gone too far, he was but the shadow of the quiet and light-hearted young man he used to be, and he was fearing that such sudden change would have not passed unnoticed to his father, always so keen in seeing and sensing things that others usually couldn't see. Just like him.

And the very last thing he wanted was to put Kreshen in danger with his irrational behaviour.

"So just let me go" the girl whispered, smiling sadly. "Go away and live your life…please…go…"

Kreshen spent the whole night crying hard against Boromir's chest, trying to register the fact that she had lost her beloved Faramir.

The night broughther counsel, and at dawn she finally wiped her tears, silently lifting her head to look at a sleeping Boromir, kissing his lips in the most tender of gestures sighing softly.

She had made a promise. It was time to forget, time to let him go and find someone else, someone worthy of him that could make him happy as he deserved.

Shifting her gaze to the wall, the girl smiled when she saw the portrait of Boromir and Faramir she had made some time ago. He looked so beautiful, smiling brightly as he always did. But this was the old Faramir.

The new one, the one she had somewhat created, was a sad one.

Sighing again, she closed her eyes,deciding that it was time to close her feelings for Faramir into the most remote part of her heart and continue with her life.

For she was well aware that it was impossible to stop loving him. Even Boromir knew it.

A grave Faramir exited his father's study feeling somewhat relieved, closing the door behind his back.

He hadn't expected his father to agree. Denethor usually denyed him anything he asked for, whatever the matter was about, but that time he had agreed.

Probably only because of the birth of his grandchildren, Faramir thought bitterly as he made his way down the stairs and in the wide hall, finding that he wasn't hungry at all and that he didn't need his breakfast. He greeted two maids with a nod while passing them by and exited in the courtyard, his gaze turning towards the Tower almost against his will, to stare longingly at the window of Boromir's bedchamber.

Knowing that he and Kreshen were still in bed, for both the window and the red, heavy curtains were still shut. Still in bed, most probably clinging to each other as always, still sleeping maybe? Or kissing, cuddling, fondling, cherishing each other?

His eyes were stinging terribly with the tears he'd refused to shed, a lump clenching and squeezing his throat. The mere thought that he had lost her, that he had lost anything he was living for, was driving him insane. Insane with regret, longing and a thousand different other feelings, all mingled together to clutch and squeeze his very heart like a vise, relentlessly, the pain so keen Faramir was almost unable to breathe.

A pair of sad blue eyes left the White Tower, glimmering in the morning sun, and shifted to look at the grey pavers under the young man's feet as he headed to the tunnel.

So, Denethor had agreed. Agreed to have him working hard, harder than ever before, basically. Agreed to have him away from home from dawn until dusk, every single day, agreed to have him working himself to exhaustion.

That way Faramir wouldn't have had so many chances to meet her, if nothing else. He just hoped that it would somehow help him forget. And above all, he hoped that it would help Boromir and Kreshen to live their life together, to take care of their beautiful children without worrying about him. They deserved it.