Bring me to life

Chapter 22

   
 
Denethor himself had summoned the best midwives to assist Kreshen during the childbirth. For it wasn’t an easy task, at all.

It had begun at dawn, and it had been clear to everyone that there was something wrong. The healer had put her under control at fifth month, for her belly had grown too much for an only child. He suspected that it wasn’t just one babe. Maybe two. Or even more. But he hadn’t talked of that with his lord, he wanted in fact be sure of what was going to happen.

The girl was suffering, gripping the blankets and screaming out loudly. Not even the brew they had given her had helped to calm down the pain she was feeling.

The room in which they had settled her was hot for an high fire had been lit to warm the water that would be necessary to clean up the child. And there was a strong smell, too. Blood. It impregnated the air and the blankets. One of the girls was continually refreshing Kreshen’s forehead with some pieces of clothes damp with cold water. But it was no use.

The healer looked with wide eyes at her when the cavity had expanded enough to let him see the child.

A moment later he was rushing into the corridor, nearing his worried lord, that was sitting at his brother’s side.

"It’s not just one child. They are two. Twins. That’s why she’s suffering like this…"

Boromir's jaw instantly dropped. Two?

He wasn't able to speak for a few moments as he stood to face the other man, followed by his utterly worried brother's gaze. But Faramir could do or say nothing.

"Just tell me that she's not in danger." Boromir said then, staring straight at the healer as he tried hard to remain calm and not just rush into the room in front of him.

As if reading his thoughts, the older man looked sternly at him.

"It’s better that you don’t enter that room. She’s not well. There’s a lot of blood and the last thing she need is to see another worried face. I can see clearly that she’s scared. The brew we prepared was of no use. And I am sure that you can hear her screams from here. Indeed she is in danger. But I’ll do all I can to save her and even your children" the healer told to his lord, not even giving him time to answer for a moment later he was there with Kreshen, again.

"I--I can't believe this is really happening" Boromir muttered, paying no attention to his brother who was now standing at his side and squeezing his shoulder in a reassuring fashion, even though he was scared beyond measure too. But they needed to stay calm. They had to.

"It will be fine." Faramir said softly, trying to sound convincing. Staring all the while at the closed door. On his part Boromir was merely staring at the ground, saying nothing. It was just a nightmare. It had to be just a nightmare, he couldn't lose his Kreshen just when she was about to give birth to the children they'd wanted so much. It was just too unfair to be true.

Humming softly, the girl tried to open her eyes.

She remembered nothing of what had happened the day before. She couldn’t even remember if their sons were alive.

Trying to prop on her elbows, she hissed and closed her eyes, now scared beyond any reason.

"Is there someone?"

A split second later a worried Faramir was at her side.

"Quiet Kreshen" he said softly, urging her to lay down again. "Don't even try to get up.. you're way too weak for that."

Boromir, who was dozing on the armchair next to the bed, was now fully awake. And leaning over her, wiping the sweat away from her forehead, relieved beyond reason to see her conscious. "They are well" he said, smiling tenderly at her. "They are well, and both beautiful."

"Are they?" she murmured, smiling and half opening her eyes to look at him.

It was almost dazing to know that she was alive. And her sons were well, for she was sure that Boromir was taking care of them.

"I was so scared… I thought I was dying but… I didn’t want to die. Not now that I have to take care of them. Not before…before I have my child with Faramir… I-I was scared…" she murmured, her eyes now shimmering with unshed tears.

"You'll be fine" Faramir reassured her, sitting on the bed and taking one of her hands,, caressing it affectionately. "The healer said that you must get rest now, stay in bed for a while, but you'll be fine. I and Boromir will keep you company everyday, so that you won't get bored."

Boromir nodded in response, smiling, and bent down to kiss her cheek. "That's a promise" he confirmed, smiling. "Do you wish to see our two little masterpieces?"

"Yes" she smiled, somewhat relieved and squeezing Faramir’s hand.

"But you must promise that you’ll be with me everyday, too. I need you, Faramir…"

"I will be here" he smiled, while Boromir was already hurrying out of the room to fetch the beloved heirs. When the door closed the young man couldn't help but chuckle, and shake his head. "He's very proud of them. And of you. I've never seen him this happy."

"I meant it when I told you that I want your child, too" she said softly, smiling. "I’m sure that you’ll be so proud and happy, too. You should just have to wait for a while… I fear I’ll not be able to do anything for a while…I’m barely able to raise my head from the pillow…"

Faramir couldn't help but smile softly, and lean in to kiss her with all the love he could muster. "There is no hurry at all." he whispered, "We've got all the time in the world, now I just want you to recover fully, that's the most important thing."

"I love you" was all she was able to whisper to him, overwhelmed by emotions. "I love you more than my life…don’t ever leave my side, Faramir. I’d like to…show you all I’m feeling…here" the girl murmured, putting his hand on her chest, upon her heart. "But mere words wouldn’t be enough…"

"I can see it, Kreshen.." he said softly, his gaze never leaving hers. "I can see it in your eyes everytime you look at me, and 'tis worth more than a thousand words. There is no need to say it aloud, for I can see it..I've never doubted your love, never."

"I love you so much…" she just whispered again, tenderly kissing his lips, closing her eyes at the sweetness of the moment.

But just then, Boromir entered the room with two little bundles, a bright smile on his face.

Kreshen tried to shift on a sitting position but her body, from her belly to her feet, was a mass of aching muscles that refused to obey.

"Don't. They won't complain if you lay down" Boromir chuckled, as Faramir made room for him to sit on the bed. "I'm sure they'll be perfectly content just to stay in your arms for a while." Said that he settled carefully one of the bundles into her arms, his smile widening. "Meet our little Finduilas.. isn't she absolutely beautiful?"

And she was, indeed. A rosy and peaceful sleeping baby, dark-haired just like her mother, a small pout on the rounded little face. And the next moment she was smiling, smiling in her sleep, before the small pout went back in place again. Within Boromir's protective arms there was the other bundle, Amrod, fair-haired like his father, beautiful like his sister and indeed extremely sleepy. He could keep his grey eyes open only with great effort and was evidently struggling to focus on the surroundings, waggling his wee fists mutinously in the air now and then.

"That peculiar gesture kind of reminds me something" Faramir observed, trying hard not to chuckle and flashing a glance to his brother. "Or should I rather say someone?"

Grinning, Kreshen looked sceptically at her son and at her husband for a while, then she turned again her attentions to Faramir.

"I believe he is the exact copy of his grouchy father… "

"Well?" Boromir mumbled resentfully, looking at Amrod and then at his wife. "He's a natural born warrior, you should be proud of him."

Faramir smiled, shaking his head, and leaned to look closely at the heir, who was now trying to stick one of said fists into his little mouth, eyes closing against his will.

"I'm sure that Kreshen is indeed proud of him. And of his little sister, they are both adorable."

"Indeed they are" said girl smiled brightly at his words. "They are a gift from the Valar. And a gift to our love."

Little Finduilas was now looking at her mother with a curious expression on her rosy face, her light blue eyes fixed on dark blue ones.

Looking at her was indeed a gift for Kreshen, who had been sure of dying when she had given birth to her children. To be there and hold them, touch them and smell their delicate scent was something she had not even dared to hope. Without noticing, the tears had started to fall down her cheeks, blurring her view. But that didn’t distract her. She wanted to learn each and every characteristic of her little daughter.

Boromir's free hand reached for Kreshen's cheek, wiping away the tears. When her eyes met his he smiled softly, and leaned closer in a confidential fashion.

"Do you think you can hold them both? I'm sure that this little wayward fighter would be much happier to be held by his beautiful mother, rather than by his gruffy father."

"Right now I’m just messed up and tired" she smiled softly at him, just reaching his son with her free hand.

Holding them both, she felt happy beyond any reason. They had created those little creatures, so sweet and innocent in their unconsciousness. Just a great love could generate such gorgeous things, and she turned again to kiss Boromir’s lips.

"I love you. You’re not a gruffy father. You’re my husband. My beloved Boromir. The one that will always protect us. Amrod will learn a lot from you. And I’m sure that he’ll learn to be a man of honour. As you are".

"And the little Finduilas will learn a lot from you" Boromir said softly, "Things such as being the most beautiful, graceful and gentle creature in the whole kingdom, I am sure of that." In that precise moment the door opened slightly, Denethor himself appearing on the doorframe. Boromir gestured for him to enter and looked at his wife, smiling encouragingly at her.

"I am pleased to see that you are awake."

"I’m strong" she just smiled gently at him, exchanging a quick glance with Faramir before turning her attention to the older man. She just hoped that he wouldn’t offend and humiliate him in front of her. For she was not sure that she would have been quiet as always. Of all things, she had become overprotective towards her Faramir.

"The healer told me that you’ve been greatly worried about me. And that you’ve summoned the best midwives of all Gondor to help me…thank you, Lord Denethor…"

"There is no need to thank me" Denethor replied quietly, looking at the babies and then at her. "You are part of the family now. And those are indeed two beautiful children, the pride of their father and of the whole kindgom. We are all in need to thank you."

Said that he bowed his head and hinted a smile, giving another glance at the children before exiting the room. Boromir, on his part, was looking quite smug.

"I had a word with him about the matter." he grinned, "He's almost domesticated now, is he not?"

"What did you tell him?" Kreshen asked, almost bewildered from that changed behaviour.

"He looks so…. Different…"

"Well.." Boromir chuckled, "Since you and those two younglings are with Faramir the persons I love the most in the world, I thought it would have been a good thing to make the concept clear to him. And he did understand how much you mean to me, it seems. I can only be happy about that."

"I’m more than happy" she smiled brightly. "It’s incredible how much he’s changed… and… I love you too… I love you both…"

They remained like that for a while, cherishing and cuddling the little children, until Kreshen turned to look worriedly at her husband.

"Can you take them? I can feel that my arms are too weak. I’m afraid I would let them go. It seems that my body is rebelling against me…"

"No beloved, it's just that you're still very feeble, and you've held them for quite a while now." Boromir said with a reassuring smile, leaning to kiss her tenderly on the lips as he retrieved both Amrod and Finduilas from her arms. "Have some rest, Faramir will keep you company while I take care of these two rascals." he added then, and looked at the sleeping babies in his arms. "Show some manners and say goodbye to your mother, will you?" he chuckled, shaking his head when the two just kept on sleeping peacefully as expected. Unable to restrain himself he leaned over his wife to kiss her again, smiling against her lips. "I will see you later. Love you terribly."

"I love you, too" the girl smiled softly, reaching his neck with one hand to keep him in place and kiss him lovingly, gently slipping her tongue in his mouth, closing her eyes in delight, due to that contact she had missed so much.

Smiling brightly, she looked at her husband while he exited the room, closing the door behind his back, then she turned her attentions to the other man.

"Well? Don’t you want to kiss me? For I’ve missed you… a whole lot…"

"I've missed you too" Faramir replied, smiling, and sat closer to her to take her hand into his. "You know it.. it is so strange. Most probably I still have to get used to this.. I mean the babies, you being a mother and Boromir being a father. Well, and I being an uncle, too."

"It’s strange even to me" Kreshen said softly, gently squeezing his hand.

"One years ago I would have never thought that I’ll be married to the Steward’s son. And deeply, madly in love with the other one. But it’s happened. And now there are the babies… so…pray, tell me…What do you really feel about that?"

Faramir faltered, and sighed. How was he feeling? He didn't know, so what was he supposed to tell her? He shook his head, ever so faintly, and hinted a smile.

"I do not know." he eventually mumbled. "All I know is that I love you, and that I'm truly happy for you and Boromir. He's so changed, so.. so radiant that it is impossible not to be happy for him."

"We’ll have our child, too" she whispered then, putting a finger under his chin to gently force him to look at her. "You’ll be as happy as Boromir. But you don’t need to change. You’re perfect as you are. Regarding Boromir I can only say that he needed to change. He was…selfish and rude. He didn’t know love. But look at him now. At his eyes when he looks at his babies. He’s… the emblem of happiness…"

"Indeed he is." the young man agreed, a smile curving his lips almost against his will at the thought of his ever-smiling, ever-kind and ever-happy brother. So different from the Boromir he was used to, always so grave and stern. And he liked it, he really did.

"I wasn't expecting him to change to this extent, to say the truth. Sometimes I find myself wondering if it is really the same person."

"Oh, yes he’s always the same" Kreshen grinned at his words. "You can still see him stern and grumpy sometimes. But I love him even if he’s not always sweet and kind…as you are".

At such a remark Faramir chuckled, looking at her askance, and folded his arms across the chest. "Well well well..." he began amusedly, an eyebrow raised. "Are you trying to wheedle me or what?"

"Oh there’s no need to do such a thing" she grinned back, gently caressing his strong arm. "For I’m sure you know pretty well that I love you. And that I think you’re the most wonderful, kind, sweet and tender man of all Gondor. Despite what your father says. You’re not weak. If you were weak you would never be able to accept this situation. I love you Faramir. Sometimes I wonder how you can…allow me to live as Boromir’s wife when you love me so much, too…"

It was almost incredible for her to see how much Faramir, too, seemed changed. He was stronger than before. Wiser, controlled and diplomatic.

What if she had been in his place? She could have never accepted being his wife’s shadow, and love him in secret, sharing him with another woman. But he was doing it. He was there at her side for more than one year now, and never once he had complained. Kreshen had seen stressed and upset, and she knew it was all her fault. So she had tried to help him, to make him feel loved and cherished. And Boromir knew that, too. He loved his little brother as much as his wife.

Kreshen's words had sorted the effect to make Faramir suddenly serious. He looked at their clasped hands for a while, as if deep in thought, before he cleared his throat and raised his head to meet her eyes again.

"I don't know if I'm actually as strong as you think I am" he said softly, "It has not been easy for me during the last months, and I often found myself blaming my weakness for that.. I am very selfish Kreshen, and I shouldn't be. For your sake, for Boromir's sake and.. and above all for your children's sake. I do not want to give you troubles.."

"You’ve never been a trouble to me, Faramir" she scolded him, looking immediately serious.

"But you’re human. We aren’t perfect, I’m selfish, too. And I don’t want you to blame yourself for that. I’ve never asked you to be perfect or to pretend that nothing was really happening. For I know it’s not easy. Maybe it would have been if you would have trusted me, telling that you were suffering".

Leaving his hand, the girl crossed her arms on her chest, sighing softly.

"Scream, Faramir. Shout. Cry out loudly. Run away…but don’t hide your feelings, for they could just hurt you the most..:"

"I can't." he replied quietly, his deep blue eyes unwavering. "I've tried, but I can't. And I didn't feel like talking about that with you or Boromir, try to understand me.. I didn't want to spoil your happiness with my useless rants, and I will get over it. Do not worry."

"You are not useless!" she immediately snapped, angrily beating the fist onto the soft mattress, her eyes blazing with fury.

"I can’t say it everyday, Faramir! You have to understand it by yourself! You are not useless, nor weak, and not a trouble to me! Why can’t you knock it into that stubborn skull of yours? Why?"

Even before the young man could reply, the healer immediately entered the room, looking worriedly at the trembling woman on the bed, her posture too tense and nervous for her weak state.

"I believe it’s better to let her have some rest, milord" the man gently told to Faramir. "It’s not good for her to be so nervous, she’s already lucky to be there with us…"

Still trembling in rage, the girl turned on her side, giving her back to the young man, sighing deeply.

"I’m tired".

"And I'm sorry.."

But Kreshen didn't respond, nor she did turn to look at him. Getting the hint, Faramir flashed only a quick glance at the healer before walking unhurriedly to the door.

He shouldn't have told her how he was feeling. What stupid he had been, the last thing she needed was to feel guilty because of him. Just now that she was happy with Boromir, just when she had just given birth to their children.

Once out of the room he climbed down the stairs and then in the courtyard, heading for the tunnel that led to the lower level and to the stables. He was sure that a good ride with Anor would help him sort out all of his issues, to be ready to face Kreshen and apologize for his foolish behaviour upon returning home that evening.

But deep in his heart he knew. He knew that there was much more than that, and no matter how many times he would excuse himself and make things clear with Kreshen, the uneasiness would still be there. His wasn't just a passing ailment, he had been feeling that way from months, and trying hard to disguise his real mood. Just smiling, always smiling and pretending that everything was fine, when deep inside he felt empty and unhappy like never before.

Cursed selfishness.

When Boromir entered the room that afternoon, Kreshen's eyes were still red for crying, her pillow damp with tears. But she didn't turn to look at him, nor did she move to face him.

It couldn't continue like that. They weren't able to face the reality of the situation. Faramir was suffering because of them. Boromir wouldn't understand it.

And it was because of her. She shouldn't have encouraged him. She should have kept secret her feelings for him from the beginning. To lie was better than to make someone else suffer because of you.

Without a word Boromir settled himself on the armchair next to the bed, thinking that Kreshen could be asleep. When he heard her sigh deeply, though, he realized that she wasn't.

"Kreshen? Are you awake?" he asked, leaning forward to place a large hand on her shoulder. "Are you well?"

"No" she just murmured, wiping her tears and turning to look at him.

"I'm not well….but…but I'm afraid that you'll be mad at me if I tell you what is the problem…And I couldn't bear to…fight even with you…"

"Why should we fight?" he muttered worriedly, leaving the armchair to sit on the bed, and urging her to roll onto her other side to face him. "Listen to me. I promise.. no, I swear, I swear that I won't get angry if you promise to tell me what's wrong and not to cry anymore. Deal, little one?"

"Deal" she wispered, smiling weakly, trying to gather the courage to speak.

"It’s…about Faramir. We had a fight before and… I don’t know what to do, Boromir. I know he’s suffering because of me, I know it’s my fault, but… I don’t know how to let him go… I shouldn’t have shown my feelings for him. Now we’re happy but he’s just feeling grief, he’s strange and continuously says that he’s weak, selfish… Maybe… maybe it’s better to let him go… to let him live his life without me… he would surely be happy…"

Boromir sighed, shifting to lay at her side as he considered her words carefully. So Faramir was indeed much more downhearted than he was showing. And probably about to crack, after all those months. But would have it been wise to leave him alone with himself, rather than trying to sort things out someway? He kept to himself all his concerns, though. That was something between his brother and Kreshen, it wasn't his decision to take. He would have been there anyway for them, for both of them, but he was not the one to decide about what was the right thing to do.

"Kreshen.." he said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist, "I don't know if he'd actually be happy like you say.. but I will be here anyway, at your side, and at his. Whatever you will decide. Take some time to think about it, but above all try to recover as soon as possible.. that's the most important thing, I need you to be fit again soon. Our children need you."

"I-I know that" she said sadly, burying her face between his shoulder and neck, inhaling his cinnamon scent that always made her feel at home.

"I also know that it’s not easy for you. It’s never been easy to accept it and maybe it will never be. I know it’s hard for you to assist my quarrelling with your brother, rather than think about you. But… damn it seems that I’m just good to create troubles, grief and suffering! It’s more than one year that hes lived in your shadow, just to be at my side. He’d accepted to stay away from me to allow us to have those babies and now he’s even worse than expected… it’s all my fault, Boromir. I should have said that I didn’t love him when he came there to confess me his feelings…"

"That wouldn't have spared any grief to you" Boromir replied quietly, staring intently at her. "Nor to him. So let us think about the actual troubles, instead than worrying about that. Do you want me to speak with him? Is there something I could do? I will, if that would help to set things straight between you two. You have my word."

"It’s no use that you talk to him" she quietly stated, sighing softly and staring straight at those piercing gray eyes.

"He will be the one to…decide about us. I want him to do it by himself. But…I would be very…happy if you could just stay at my side. I’m afraid you’ll have to be patient for me…it will not be easy to deal with Faramir’s decision…"

Boromir's response was a soft, unhurried kiss, and a small smile when their lips eventually parted.

"I will always be at your side, Kreshen. Always, 'till the very last of my days" he whispered then, "But promise me that you'll be strong, whatever his decision will be.. do it for Amrod and Finduilas, if you can't do it for me.."

"I’ll be strong. Even for you. I swear it to you, Boromir. For I love you" she whispered, smiling and tenderly caressing his hair. "No one will ever know what is really happening, not even your father who always keeps an eye on me. I will be strong. And I’ll continue my life. For you and our little ones… I love you…"

"I love you too. Terribly."