Bring me to life

Chapter 17

  The next morning a smiling Faramir didn't even bother to knock on the door. He entered the room quietly, carrying a large tray with an abundant breakfast, and placed it on the table before walking to the window and open the curtains, letting the bright morning sun shower the room.

Boromir's only reaction was an annoyed grunt, as he pulled the heavy blankets over his head in an attempt to shelter himself from the undue light.

"Good morning!"

Kreshen from her side just smiled sleepy at the young man, shifting the covers and rubbing her hands on her eyes in an attempt to shoo the slumber.

"Good morning to you, Faramir" she murmured after a while, yawning and sitting on the large bed, glancing now and then at Boromir with a content smile on her face.

"Slept little, have you?" Faramir grinned, taking the tray and sitting on the bed next to her. On his part Boromir didn't seem too bothered by their presence, and kept on sleeping peacefully with his head buried under the covers.

Smiling, the girl kissed Faramir’s cheek, making room for him, to let him be comfortable.

"Yes, I’ve slept just a few hours" she murmured, locking her eyes with his.

"Because…yesterday Boromir asked me to marry him…"

For some moments Faramir said nothing, merely staring at her wide-eyed. "Marry you?" he repeated then, flashing a quick glance at his sleeping brother. "But.. but it's wonderful, Kreshen!" he smiled, leaning to hug her and yet paying attention to the tray. "Are you happy? Did you accept?"

"Of course I accepted!" she smiled, hugging him tightly in response.

"I’m so happy… he’s been so…romantic… first the red roses, then that romantic dinner alone at sunset, and he gave me this fabulous mithril chain with this white stone" the girl continued, showing him the present. "And… I’m awfully in love with him…"

"Well trust me, I can see that" Faramir smiled softly, truly happy for his beloved brother and their little one. "One has but to look into your eyes to understand how much you love him. And he loves you very much, too. I've never seen him behaving like that."

"Sometimes I ask the Valar what I did to deserve all that" she confessed softly, putting one hand on the covers where Boromir was sleeping and gently caressing his shoulder.

"I’ve changed his life, and he’s changed mine. And… I owe you so much Faramir. I don’t know what I would have done without you…"

"I knew" Faramir admitted, raising an eyebrow. "The morning he left, when you were sleeping and he came to say goodbye.. well, he said that he loved you then. I didn't tell you before because I thought it was too soon. And it's been better this way, I think."

"Yes…" she smiled, kissing his lips in an affectionate way and then leaning to move aside the covers from Boromir’s head, brushing away a lock of hair from his forehead.

"Open your eyes my love" she whispered at his ear, gently kissing his temple for he was giving his back to her.

In fact Boromir didn't open his eyes, but rolled on the bed to lie on his other flank and hugged her tightly, sighing contentedly and hinting a sleepy smile. A quite amused Faramir chuckled quietly at the sight, and shook his head. "Well you made him move, at least. That's good for a start."

Grinning in response, Kreshen leaned to kiss him on his lips, gently caressing them with the tip of her tongue now and then, paying attention not to reopen the little cut she had done the day before, that was now almost healed.

After a few moments Boromir parted his lips slightly, instinctively rather than consciously, and his fingers twined in her hair to pull her closer. It didn't take much time before he returned the kiss, clinging to his Kreshen, and thus causing Faramir to chuckle again.

"Now we know what it takes to wake him up, I'd say."

When they parted, Kreshen smiled tenderly at him, gently caressing his chin.

"Good morning my love…" she said softly, leaning again to kiss his forehead and the tip of his nose.

"Good morning, little one.." he smiled sleepily, stealing another quick kiss before he dragged himself up to sit on the bed, glancing at Faramir.

"Mornin', little brother. You're an insufferable nuisance when you want to be, do you know that?"

Faramir shrugged in response, grinning. "You wouldn't want to spend the whole day in bed anyway, now would you?"

"And why not?"

"Because the sun is shining and the birds are singing, it's a beautiful day." the young man replied gleefully, yet earning a shrug and a look in response.

"It would be beautiful nonetheless, should I spend it in bed with the woman I love."

"Father wouldn't be pleased."

"He wouldn't be pleased anyway."

Good point, Faramir had to admit. "I give you that."

At the mention of Denethor, Kreshen sighed softly, shaking her head.

He had told her that he would have be on their side, but it was evident that he wasn’t happy about their relationship. And the worst was that he still didn’t know about the marriage proposal.

"Why don’t we stay here?" she asked after a while. "Just the three of us… here in the bed as we used to do…"

The two brothers exchanged a glance at the proposal, and both grinned. Without a word Faramir slipped off his boots and Boromir shifted to make some room for him in the wide bed, just like old times.

Just when he had settled himself under the covers, Kreshen leaned to affectionately kiss his cheek, pushing away a lock of hair from his forehead.

"So… are you planning to remain a bachelor for a long time?" she grinned after a while, looking at the young man at her side.

"I definitely am." he nodded solemnly, hinting a mischievous smile. "Even though father has.. graciously suggested me to think about Rohan and lady Eowyn. The alliance, you know."

Boromir raised an eyebrow at the revelation. "What are you planning to do then?"

"Oh, I'm merely planning to.. ehr.. falter for a little while. Just until someone else will propose to marry her, I suppose."

"Glad to hear that" the girl grinned, winking at him.

"For I’ll be way to jealous of your espouse, you know that? Maybe it’s just that I’m used to being cherished and loved by you both, and I like to take care of you, to be here to wait for your return… I know it’s very selfish…"

"I am very selfish, too." Faramir stated, suddenly serious. "I should be thinking about the kingdom, not about my.. fancy to marry someone I love. Father is right when he says that I'm way too romantic."

"Indeed he's right, you've always been like that and you'll always be. He should know better."

"It’s not a guilt to be romantic!" Kreshen scolded the two brothers.

"And you should be proud of yourself for you’re waiting for the right person to marry. You’re very different from those nobles that marry for convenience and alliances. Boromir has found love, why shouldn’t you find it?"

Faramir shrugged in response, and snuggled closer to her. "Perhaps I will" he said softly, "for now I'm just content to stay with you two once in a while."

"You're welcome."

"Indeed you are" she smiled at him, exchanging a quick glance with Boromir and hugging Faramir, to try and let him feel how much she cared for him.

They remained like that for a while, Faramir within Kreshen’s arms and the girl soothingly stroking his back, her eyes closed and a content smile on her face.

In the next few days nothing particularly exciting happened. When they eventually gave him the news Denethor didn't seem overly surprised to hear about the marriage, and commented just saying that he was expecting that. An official announcement followed the day after, and while Denethor's allies didn't seem too pleased to know that his heir was about to marry a simple peasant, many gifts and expressions of good wishes came from the Tirithians.

It was maybe a week later that a mysterious letter arrived at palace. A letter addressed to Lord Boromir's wife to be.

A pale Kreshen was sitting on the couch, clutching the letter into her hands, her gaze lost into old memories.

Boromir and Faramir were out for a ride, and she could do nothing but wait for their return, knowing all too well that she couldn’t talk about that matter with Denethor.

Her father. The man who claimed to be her father, who had sold her without thinking twice, was the sender of that letter.

He wanted a large amount of money. Money, the only thing that interested him.

If Boromir wouldn’t accept that extortion, he would have sent a letter to each Gondorian’s ally to reveal their secret. The thing that Denethor himself had always keep hidden to everyone.

The fact that she had been sold as a sexual slave.

The two brothers returned home just before lunch, both smiling and relaxed as usual. But Boromir's smile faded when he opened the door of his bedchamber and saw the expression in Kreshen's eyes.

"Kreshen?"

Without looking at him, the girl just handed him the letter, too ashamed of what she was and of her father’s request to even meet his eyes.

Denethor would have been furious about that.

He took the letter, giving her a questioning look, but said nothing. After setting his sword and shield on the table he sat beside her to read the missive, soon growing pale and wide-eyed. "I can't believe he would.." he muttered, shaking his head in bewilderment, reading the letter over and over again. "I'll have him banished."

"He will do it anyway" she muttered sadly, smiling bitterly. "I know how much he loves money. To the point of selling his first daughter… to the point of dishonoring the whole kingdom… Oh, Valar how much I hate him…"

"But how could he do such a thing to you?" Boromir asked, evidently bewildered by the man's coldness rather than the obscene amount of money he'd requested.

"Well, I can't quite figure out how he could have sold you in the first place, but.. this is madness! He's doing anything that's in his power just to.. just to abase and shatter you. It's like he has no heart at all.."

"No, he hasn’t" Kreshen whispered, resting her head onto his shoulder and closing her eyes as if to chase everything but her Boromir from her mind.

"I’m sorry".

"Don't be. 'Tis not your fault, little one." he said softly, wrapping his arm around her, and then sighed. "I want you to write him back, and ask if he would agree to see me. I need to speak with him."

"I don’t want to write to him" she murmured sadly.

"And I don’t want to meet him. You shouldn’t do it. He’s but a bastard, and you’re the heir of Gondor. Do not do it just for me. It’s my fault, I’ll see to settle things…"

"There is no other way." Boromir said matter-of-factly, shrugging. "He will get what he wants, if I can't make him change his mind. I don't want him to ruin our life even before we actually get married, our allies would do anything to induce my father to deny his assent, should they know. And we can't afford such a thing, Kreshen. I don't want to start it all over again."

"If it wasn’t for me you would still be living your life, divided between your soldiers and your family. Happy and relaxed. Thinking just to fulfil your basic needs. Not to care about a peasant… your brother’s sexual slave…"

"Will you ever stop belittleing yourself like that?" Boromir snapped, standing to walk to the window. "I love you, Kreshen. I really do. I wouldn't be with you otherwise, I wouldn't be with you if I considered you just.. my brother's sexual slave."

"I love you, too" she whispered sadly, knowing that it was better to leave him alone, and walking outside.

Faramir would be in the tub, so she simply decided to climb down to have a quiet walk in the gardens.

The fresh grass was shining under the sun that morning, and the flowers that had blossomed but some days ago were standing proudly, wavering their heads and following the wind.

Kreshen choose the her favourite spot, sitting under a big ash, closing her eyes and resting her back against the trunk.

"Won't you have lunch with us?" Faramir's voice asked from behind the tree, as the young man was approaching her quietly. "The table is already laid."

Once in front of the girl he didn't miss the strange expression in her usually bright eyes, though. "Are you well?"

"I’m fine" she lied, forcing herself to smile, even if within her a thousand different emotions were causing a great confusion.

" I’m not hungry, so I think I’ll just stay there to rest my bones…"

"Don't lie to me.." he said softly, sitting at her side and taking one of her hands into his. He just hoped that everything was fine with Boromir. For anything else he could have certainly helped her to find a solution, someway.

"Did you two fight?"

"Some time ago you asked me to lean on you, even if I didn’t feel like talking about it" she said softly, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Well… I don’t feel like talking…"

"Just lean on me, then." Faramir replied gently, wrapping his arms around her and caressing her hair affectionately, kissing her temple and forehead now and then.

"Do you want me to tell you a story? Or..let's see.. sing something?" he asked after a while, smiling. "It may help you relax. Or frighten you to death, for I'm in fact a horrible singer."

"I don’t know what to do without you…" she smiled back, quickly kissing his chin.

" I’m an horrible singer, too. So I think it would be better to forget about singing, for I think that your father wouldn’t be pleased to hear us…"

"Mmmh I do agree." Faramir smiled pensively, tightening the embrace and kissing her cheek. "Shall I teach you our hymn for Gondor, then? Or.. tell you some elvish piece of poetry? But I could also just hold you tight and kiss you until you'll give me one of your beautiful smiles."

"I think it would be difficult to smile" she said sadly, but soon grinned mischievously.

"But one could try at least. I would be more than willing to experience it…"

"Good." Faramir whispered, smiling, and then kissed her lips, tenderly and affectionately, but drawing back soon for fear that someone could spot them. He then moved to place many little kisses on her cheeks, all the while holding her tight as promised and caressing her back with long, soothing strokes.

They remained there for a while, until Kreshen couldn’t draw back a bright smile, retreating just to look into Faramir’s eyes.

"I love you so much" she whispered, gently caressing his hair, and then immediately added, for fear that he could have misunderstood her intentions: "…as a sister would love a brother, of course…"

Faramir smiled at her words, still caressing her hair and back, and gave her another quick kiss on the lips.

"I know" he said softly then, "And I love you too. I have always loved you very much, Kreshen. I miss you sometimes, I admit it, but I am also awfully happy for you and Boromir.. to me nothing else matters but your happiness."

"But you could come and sleep with us sometimes!" she immediately proposed, smiling again.

"I miss you too…I miss all the time we used to spend together, the nights in which you came frozen from scouting and I prepared that hot bath, cuddling you until you were asleep… I miss our afternoons together on the couch..to talk and laugh together… But…please… tell me something I must know… is it all over?"

"I.. know not." Faramir replied hesitantly, taking a deep breath and faltering a little before continuing. "I do not want to meddle between you two, Kreshen. I think I'll just behave as a brother would, with both of you, and nothing more. I must realize that it will be my place from now on, I must do it for your sake. And that's why I feel terrible when I think that I miss.. everything of you. I shouldn't." he averted his gaze then, shaking his head, some blond locks of hair falling softly on his forehead as he did so. He pushed them aside hastily, angry with himself. Why by the Valar was he behaving like that? Why? He should have known better than saying such things. He should not bother Kreshen with his irrational rants just when she was about to marry his brother.

Fool, Faramir. That's what you are. Just a useless fool.

"Do…do you miss just…my body?" she asked then, gently taking his chin and forcing him to look at her, the hurt evident in her eyes.

Yes, but… why was she feeling so sad about it?

She wasn’t but a sexual object to him, and it was clear from the beginning, to both of them. Yet now that he had suggested the fact that he missed her body at night, Kreshen was feeling a pain deep inside of her.

For she missed him, too. But not just the nights they spent together making love over and over again. She missed everything of him. They way she used to take care of him. The way he smiled at her when he came home from scouting. His deep voice filling the room when he read out loudly his favourite novels while Kreshen was sitting on his knees.

Boromir wouldn’t be pleased about that. She was about to marry and she shouldn’t even think about it. It was Boromir whom she loved. Maybe he was not the only keeper of her heart. But no one had to know that.

Faramir frowned, shaking his head again and lowering his gaze to look at his boots. He did not speak for some moments, forcing himself to swallow the lump in his throat, fighting back the urge to cry.

"I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that." he said softly, yet without looking at her. "And.. 'tis not just your body that I miss, Kreshen. I miss every single thing that we used to share. Every single thing. I am but a fool."

"No" she answered softly. "You aren’t a fool. For I miss you too. Maybe too much…"

Said that, she hugged him tight, hiding her face into his chest, gently kissing it now and then.

Deep inside her heart she knew what she really felt for Faramir. But the guilt could have suffocated her, and so she just pushed it down, trying to hide the truth even to herself.

For everyone sake.

"I am sorry" he whispered, "I am sorry."

No further words were exchanged, for the next moment he was getting to his feet, and walking towards the palace after another look at Kreshen, full of guilt and longing. He knew that she cared about him, too. Someway she cared, it was clear, it had always been clear.

But what about Boromir? What about his marriage, his happiness, what about his life?

He was supposed to be on his side, to be his support and ally. And certainly not to long after his wife to be.

Kreshen looked at him as he walked away, wiping a tear that was rolling down her cheek.

One day and she had already brawled with Boromir and hurt Faramir. Great. No one could have been more of a blunderer than her. Hiding her face on her knees, hugging tight her legs, the girl just tried to avoid thinking that maybe she had lost Faramir forever. For the mere thought was too much to bear.

By the time he had reached the corridor to his room, Faramir was crying. Shamelessly. Tears were running freely down his cheeks, streaking the fair face with shiny paths of guilt and grief. He locked himself in his chamber and slumped on his favorite armchair, sobbing helplessly, covering his face with both hands.

What have I done? What have I done.

It was all his brain was able to process in that moment. He closed his eyes when someone knocked at the door, fearing to know who it was.

"Faramir?"

Great.

"Yes, I am here." he replied as quietly as he could, secretly hoping that his brother would just leave him alone and go out to look for Kreshen.

But he didn't.

"Are you well?" Boromir asked from the corridor, trying to open the door, obvious concern in his voice. "Why did you lock yourself inside?"

"I.. just need to stay alone for a while."

Go away, go away, go away. Just leave me alone.

"Do not make me worry, open the door."

"Please Boromir.. I beg of you. I am fine." Faramir replied, his voice trembling on the verge of tears again. He could not face him in that moment. He could not bear a confrontation. "Please.."

It did not work.

"Just open the cursed door already, or I'll knock it down!"

And so he did, his body acting of its own will and taking him unhurriedly to the door. His blue eyes were emotionless, his face cold and stony when he opened. Despite his cheeks, still wet with tears. Despite his reddened eyes.

"Merciful Valar" Boromir muttered when he saw him, frowning with concern. "What.. what happened? Did you fight with father again?"

Faramir shook his head, unable to speak.

"What happened then?" Boromir urged, following him when he walked to the armchair again. "Faramir?"

"You wouldn't want to know." the young man replied quietly, his voice cold. He was fidgeting absently with his belt and carefully avoiding meeting his brother's anxious grey eyes, but it was no use. For Boromir was already kneeling next to him. Staring steadily at him, and the guilt that was weighing down his heart became almost unbearable under that scrutiny. It was like his brother could see into his very soul, he felt naked. And vulnerable like never before.

"I do want to know." Boromir said softly, a strong hand settling on Faramir's thigh. "Whatever it is. Let me help you, little brother, don't you trust me anymore?"

That was it. The cursed tears were blurring his view again.

"I do trust you" Faramir sobbed, closing his eyes. He couldn't bear to look at him. He simply couldn't. "I do."

"Speak, then."

"Why should I speak, Boromir?" Faramir asked quietly, his eyes opening again to look at him. At last. "Why should I speak, when I know that what I have to say would only hurt you? I have not the heart to do this to you."

Boromir frowned again, knitting his eyebrows. But he said nothing, sure that the look in his eyes was worth at least a good thousand words. And he was right.

"I love her." Faramir eventually whispered, this time doing all he could to avoid his gaze. "And you can't even imagine how guilty I feel for this.. you can't."

Not a word, and Boromir stood up abruptly. His very breath knocked off his lungs at the revelation, his very heart skipping a beat.

Faramir looked at him through the tears, and what he managed to see didn't certainly help him to feel better.

Bewildered. Upset. Hurt.

"I will not.." Boromir began nervously, and just then Faramir noticed that his hands were trembling. "I will not allow you to take her away from me."

"I do not want to take her away from you."

"What do you want then? What?"

"I don't know. I want to see you happy."

Boromir took a deep breath, and shook his head. The next moment he was storming hurriedly out of the room, slamming the door behind him.